Colour Devolutions

Oh for heavenssakes. No wonder everyone I know is doing the hermit thing mostly. We don’t bloody know what we’re supposed to wear anymore. 

At the beginning of course we knew to wear a black pin or scarf or something for Black Lives Matter. Then we got into the #metoo thing where we pretty much had to tattoo it on our foreheads in case anyone could doubt our dedication. Vulva hats and white suits were in there somewhere as I recall or was that just a nightmare I was having? Then there were those wearing red baseball hats and buffalo horns as I recall.

This was followed with the blue and yellow Ukraine flag thing. Then there was the rainbow thing taking all sorts of forms of tattoos and hats and scarves and flags and pins and ribbons and sometimes just to confuse us all complete nakedness. 

In between that we were wearing masks which were quite colourful and creative initially when we could sew our own but these then turned into the ubiquitous blue paper polluter thing once the novelty wore off. Back then we could wear that t-shirt that said “we survived 2020.” Ha ha ha ha. Little did we know.

But let us not dwell on our naive days. Which reminds me of that social media challenge thing just before all this started. Maybe it wasn’t in every country but there was this thing about pouring buckets of ice over people’s heads, filming it and putting it on Facebook. And we laughed. And we laughed. Yes. Those were the days. This will be remembered as our final moment of freedom and happiness. They will write about it in books one day. 

Anyway, getting dressed in the morning involved tying oneself into a pretzel at the closet door and a lot of scanning of social media to pick the appropriate apparel. But you know, we’ve survived so far if only by avoiding most social situations. But now what?

We’ve been colour exhausted. Theoretically we could all just wear white because that is every colour put together, unlike black which is the absence of colour. But of course, only women in Congress can wear all white these days and to advocate for white… well… that would not go over well. 

What in the hell are we supposed to wear now? That’s all I want to know. 

So in my efforts to better humanity I’ve figured it out. Now that all these cultural political things have become boring we need to move into the next thing. We need to wear the disaster of the week. Why the hell nobody has thought of this yet I’ll never know. Last week we were worrying about nuclear war and how much of an effort is it really to wear a hat with a mushroom cloud? And the week before that it was forest fires which could easily be flaming candles attached to our elbows or noses or some jutting body part. This week it is flooding so for those that can we’ll just dispense with the adult diapers and the others can just weep and wail a lot. We can just wear sandpaper togas for drought I think. We can wear windmill beanies on our heads for the energy crisis and little cricket broaches for the starvation part.

Now the economic collapse thing and the US dollar thing is a bit tricky. Little dollar signs for earrings maybe? Or plunging necklines made to look like the dollar chart. But we’re all very creative. We’ll figure it out. Timing of course is everything. We’ll have to lay in wait to see what they are going to tell us is the next thing to worry about if we want to get ahead of the crowds in the stores. We do have to remind them however that we can’t wear these things all at once. Well… maybe we could. We’ll have to work on that.

Your earworm for the week. I was thinking itsy bitsy yellow polka dot bikini or long cool woman in a black dress or blue suede shoes but really… how about some lovely natural music?

https://www.doc.govt.nz/globalassets/documents/conservation/native-animals/birds/bird-song/10-bellbird-morning-chorus.mp3