Why Do Peacock Spiders Dance?
We’re not divided enough.
Surely there are more things for us to fight each other over? We’ve got vaccines, gender, wars, race, food, ageism, mathematics, territories, immigration, abortion, religion, economics, politics, nationalities… I mean, is that all there is? There has GOT to be more than just these tired old things? Historically we’ve done all these things before and always with the same outcomes.
For example, the inflation economics and the outrageous gender stuff—we did all that back in the Weimar Republic. All we need now is the humiliation of losing the war with Ukraine and we’re ripe for electing Hitler 2. Almost as if it was orchestrated. But never mind all that. That was pretty obvious after a bit of thinking for most of us. (The moral being, never elect a person in a landslide who promises to fix everything. Pick that other one. So what if they’re not good looking’ and rather tepid. They’re bound to be better than Hitler 2. Hopefully… But of course by the time that’s done all the wealth will have been stolen and the sad little worn bits of leftover stuff is all we’ll ever have. For a long long long time. Do not sob into your afternoon tea over this. It just makes it salty and no one will care anyway. It is just what it is.)
But of course, that still doesn’t solve the problem of not having anything new or interesting to fight over, does it? This time, we should fight over something that at least makes it a bit fun like pro-wrestlers wearing capes and wigs and fluorescent tattoos and playing to the crowd with magnificent grunts. I just can’t think what it could be that would divide us any further than we are now on our way to an inevitable “insert regime name here.”
Now, despite all these efforts to divide us into hostile and cantankerous groups, it still really comes down to the individual thinking about things to shape what it is that divides us. And then, all these like individuals get together and create a group that starts making placards and marching and screeching. That’s usually the way it works. Some would say this is unlike now where the groups were formed and then assigned before the individual had a thought or two about their position.
So the point would be what exciting fun ridiculous thing might an individual think right now that could cause a group to form around it that will keep us happily divided into new things? At least something that doesn’t involve the psychological or physical torture of children for once.
Let’s think about that. Now, I’m only doing this in the interest of the zeitgeist of the age of division. We can’t have the world agree on anything. This would foil all the efforts being done at the moment by those who seek to foil us all. And it seems there are many who seek to do that but that’s another day and another discussion. The important thing here is how at least do we make all the misery of division at least entertaining and wholly enjoyed by all? If we’re all going to be going down with the Titanic anyway?
I think I have it. We should have thought of this sooner. Mostly because we weren’t even paying attention to ourselves. What happens every time there is an emergency or a threatened emergency in the first world? Every single time. Without fail. It is a deep psychological and social indicator that no one understood really until now. What happens? There’s a run on bathroom tissue.
And what do we fight about when it comes to bathroom tissue? Should it roll over or under? It doesn’t matter what the original inventor said because if he had been right we wouldn’t still be fighting about it. Inventors never seem to understand that once they’ve invented something people will find a way to completely ignore them and do what they will for the sake of their own pleasure and profit. That happened for example with gene technology and atom splitting which is why we are in a Cold War again with biological weapon horrors simmering on horizons.
So we need to fight about bathroom paper. All we need to do now is create a group of unders and a group of overs and start the madness. It’ll be great fun. Think of the streamers at the revolutions!
Yeah I know. People have been throwing toilet paper streamers for years. But they’ve not done it with enough hostility and division. They did not yet figure it out like we have now, of course. All throwing must be done with mayhem and misery and maliciousness. So we can laugh.
Throw those rolls! Get out there people! Throw it under! Throw it over! Just don’t overthrow it. I don’t think. That might be something we could disagree on but we’ve done THAT before too.
Next time we may discuss the immigrant invasion of Danaus plexippus to the northern hemisphere every dang year and what we might be able to do about it.
Oh, here’s a bloomin’ earworm.